Man punch

Every man has two very extreme and different sides to him, unless of course he is one of those boring ones who believe in routine and are at the fore front of the war against any form of change.

Take the boyfriend for instance, he is at times a 12 year old in the body of a 28 year old, and other times, especially if you put a good suit on him and put him in a board room he will be a 50 year old in the body  of a 28 year old. In fact I don’t know when he is ever just a 28 year old, based on the fact that I don’t know how exactly 28 year olds are meant to act, unless they are a confused mixture of adolescent and midlife crisis.

his personalities make him a sort of man-punch, all the different ingredients that come together to make the not-so-perfect man minestrone

The adolescent…

For one, I do not need to repeat the tale of how I was almost pregnant-suicidal… you can read all about that here

Another instant happened last night; we had just come from a mind blowing session of sushi. He walked out of bed drumming on his newd black but. It’s a habit he has; whenever he is walking naked he will always drum on his but, but that’s beside the point. 

He walked past the mirror, paused then walked back; stared at the mirror then exclaimed as if in disbelief, “hey man in the mirror, that’s one hell of a package you’re carrying there” That still wasn’t the shocking- adolescent part. He then proceeded to try and tuck his balls between his legs just to see how he would look without balls, then… (it gets worse)… he tucked his dick right in there with the balls and walked towards me screaming… “look at me, I look just like you, I am a girl!!”

Amidst all the laughing I couldn’t help wondering, “After all these years of carrying around his ‘package’ did he just realize that he could play with it? What was he doing from age 6-10 while all the other boys were playing with theirs, or is it just a man thing? Do all men play with their parts?”

The midlife crisis man…

Every so often the boyfriend will be the adult, around me these moments are rare, but I have seen him in business meetings and out with his work colleagues and I am usually shocked at how mature he can act. I say act because I think his true nature is more of the adolescent boy described above.

But even in the moments he does act above his age, he often borders on the lines of a man deep in his midlife crisis…

You know the typical classic midlife crisis routine… travel all over the world, date younger girls, have sex in obscene places, go out to joints that are way below your age bracket, emotional unavailability to the one you love etc etc… good examples are here, here and here...

Again last night, the boyfriend had an episode of mid life crisis man… After his little “I’m a girl act” he got into bed and just as I was getting cozy he gets up and out of bed, dresses up, walks to my closet, takes out a very short and slutty dress I haven’t worn since campus, placed it on my bed and said “ Hun, get up, we are going out, and if you’re not going to wear that dress I am leaving you behind”

So guess what I did?

Lets just say that I wasn’t left behind, but now I have a cold and I believe I must have picked up herpes or something even worse from sitting on my bare ass on bar-stools.