Damage

Most of the time when I am bored and idle, for instance now, I get the urge to post on my blog. But in some instances, again like now, I cannot decide what to write about: not because of a lack of ideas but more of a lack of words to express those ideas. I think it’s what they call writers block. In those rare instances when I cannot write nor do anything productive I will stare at the screen and wonder what it’s all about. 

Why exactly do I write? Does anyone read me? Does anyone actually like crystal?

 I have a fistful of followers and my reader stats are over the top, at times I have over a hundred hits in a day; all from people I don’t know; people who don’t know me. I wonder who they think I am; what do they think is my damage?

 I believe that everyone who can sit down and start an anonymous blog either knows a lot about something they shouldn’t know or alternatively, they must have a sort of damage. That niche that makes them who they are, the secret personality they hide from their friends and family but flaunt to their readers.

So what’s my damage? Do I even know the answer to that? Am I supposed to know, or is it one of those things that only the girl in the mirror can see

I may not be the most mentally or morally grounded person but I do not see any major cracks in my persona that could be pin pointed as the reason for my anonymous blog. 

I am not making up a fairy world where I can be whoever I want and etcetera, my posts are real life occurrences and if (god forbid) the boyfriend or anyone else who knows me came across this blog they would instantly know who I am

I am not hiding; at least I do not think so. I am not ugly, or poor, or disabled, or fat (not that I have anything against fat people). I am fortunate enough to have lived a somewhat ‘silver plate’ kind of life

I am not trying to attract any publishers or anything, I may have some literary skill but I love the career path I chose. Computers are my life, but I love to write, I even did an award winning play in high school eons ago, and every so often with the right weather, music and glass of wine I contribute a few pieces, mostly poetry to another site. (I actually get paid for this, not enough to even consider it helpful but it feels good all the same) 

I am a not-so-ordinary girl in a paranormal realm of a normal world; just like everyone else. There is nothing normal about me and yet I wouldn’t stand out in a crowd of similar endowed peer women.

I breathe, I eat, I work, I bleed every 28 days, I curse, pray, and on a good day I cry myself to sleep imagining my heart getting broken and mended. 

You may not know me, but my blog knows me and in its eyes I am loved. Crystal cocktails knows and tells of me, like the best friend who spends all day gossiping behind your back then hugs you to bed each night.

If I was asked, gun to my head, why I wrote this blog, I would probably say “because I can”.

Because I have things to say and not enough people to say them to. Because I believe that there are people out there just like me or looking to know someone like me and how else will they find me except if I flaunt myself out there. 

Some days I will runt, some days I will smile, I will mock and most importantly I will love, maybe even do it all at once. You are welcome to be a part of my world, crazy and dysfunctional as it may seem, it’s the only life I have ever and will ever live.

PS: for you 100 plus people who pop in, read and leave… leave a comment or something. Stain the blog with whatever is on your mind. I just want to know that there is life out there