blow my skull off (almost)

2 oz cognac
1/2 oz peach schnapps
1/2 oz Jagermeister® herbal liqueur

Pour all ingredients into a mixing glass or cocktail shaker half-filled with ice cubes. Stir well to combine, and chill. Strain into a chilled martini glass, and serve

I know I have been awfully quiet this past couple of days… but well so have you.

What have I been up to?

Blow my head off (almost)… first try:

I had my first pregnancy scare. Every girl goes through one of those at some point. It’s not actually the first time I have been late it’s just the first time I have been late after accidentally having raw sex.

I hate the whole experience of taking a pregnancy test starting with the wrecking nerves, the peeing all over your shaking hand while trying to aim in a little cup (T.M.I… I know, but who gives a shit). Basically I was a mess and that pee took like an eternity to travel up that tube… all three of them. I have this theory that for me to trust a test I must do it thrice. So there I was standing in my bathroom, with the boyfriend in the next room unaware of what I was brewing for him behind the locked doors.

I hadn’t really thought through what I was going to do if the test turned out positive but I didn’t want to tell him I was suspecting just in case he freaked out on me and it turned out to be a false alarm. So I waited for the three minutes that seemed ages; and when I was absolutely sure that the three tests were all negative I could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

I decided that since it was just a false alarm there was no harm in sharing it with the boyfriend, it would make for a good laugh if nothing else. I opened the bathroom door armed with my three sticks in one hand. As soon as he saw me and my sticks he just screams “oh shit!” and left.

Of all the reactions in the world I did not see that coming!

Blow my head off (almost)…. 2^nd attempt:

After the boyfriend pulled a fast one on me I did the thing I love/ know best… served the tequila in a huge brandy glass. Enough to avoid thinking about what his adverse reaction could mean. Did this mean that had I been pregnant I would now be battling with the option of an abortion or raising a kid alone? He didn’t even wait to hear what I had to say, he just left! Who does that? Half a bottle of tequila later… actually 3 hours later I woke up to the boyfriend screaming over me. (He was actually crying, although he won’t admit it). Apparently he thought that I had committed suicide after he ran off on me… “nigga please!”

And worse still, having found my dead body there he didn’t know what else to do so he had called his MOTHER! What 28 year old man calls still runs crying to his mother?

Now the onus was left to me to explain to his mother that I wasn’t dead or pregnant or planning any of the above. The first time I talk to the lady and it’s about suicide… aaargh, talk of first impressions.