The Devil's Cocktail

What is love…

Falling in love may feel like a meeting of hearts and minds but really, it’s just a kind of temporary insanity driven by hormones.

Believe it or not, these words were first said by a scientist; learned and presumably wise; and more recently they were said to me on a Saturday night over drinks by a man I supposedly love. (I did mention before,about saturday nights, alcohol and the L word…. It’s a curse I tell you… a curse!!)

The boyfriend was in one of his moods, (not the good ones). I don’t know why, but he asked; a question I thought I was extremely prepared for. “Do you love me?” I almost smiled at the mere thought of where this conversation was headed, so of course I said YES, boldly and surely.

“Crystal, what is love?”

I did not see that coming. In my head when we had this conversation this was the part he says, I love you too/ more… but the question, that, I was not ready for.

The first thing that came to mind was… love is true, love is kind, love is patient, love is wise… bla bla bla something about keeping record of wrongs etc but I doubted that he was looking for a bible passage; so instead I asked him, “T.B what is love to you? And hence the learned and presumably wise response… “Falling in love is a temporary insanity”  The key word here being temporary

Since them I have dedicated my entire weekend to stressing, nail biting and more importantly finding an answer. What is love?

Personally, I view love in three entities… lust, enchantment and attachment. The three can occur in any order and in any combination. You can fall in love with someone before you sleep with them, you can deeply fall in love with someone then become attached to them, and you can also have a sexual relationship, fall in love then get attached as I did.

Lust here implies the craving for sexual gratification; enchantment is expressed in the romance, the flirtation the fascination and the passion; and attachment is that sense of calm and security that you feel for a long-term partner.

Is it temporary? Maybe, maybe not… that is all up to how resilient and persevering you are willing to be.

Is it hormonal? I hope so… at least that is something more tangible as opposed to perceived feelings. In fact studies show sudden rises in oxytocin and vasopressin after certain acts of love e.g. sex, holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes etc

Is it insane? Of course, no human in their right mind would blindly choose to give another dominion over their heart, soul and mind. In fact the same learned scientists have said that certain parts of the brain become deactivated when we are in love, including areas linked with negative emotions, planning, critical social assessment, the evaluation of trustworthiness and fear.

Note that my love has nothing to do with the heart or any other particular organ. The only role I can accredit to my heart here is keeping up the beat so that I stay alive to be more and more insane and hormonal with each new day.

So next time T.B ambushes me I will have an answer for him, maybe not a good one but it is a true one.

"Love is the ultimate balance of three perceived evils…  Lust, enchantment and attachment. It is... the devil's cocktail”