Bloody Shame

recipe for Bloody Shame (non-alcoholic)

3 oz V8® vegetable juice
2-3 drops Tabasco® sauce
1 pinch salt
1 pinch peppers
1 celery stick

Pour V8 into an old-fashioned glass, add tabasco sauce and stir with a celery stalk. Sprinkle with salt and pepper, and serve.

(A non-alcoholic drink???? Is crystal going sober??? Find out why...)

Men love to lie, but they are absolutely horrible at it. Women rarely lie, but when they do, it's a story so good that it could be the basis for an entire Spanish soap opera series. Women hate lying; but unlike men, when they do, they carefully craft a maze of stories, alibis and twists and turns.

So what exactly have we learnt thus far…? Men lie more but women lie better… except me

Case in point:

I have always considered myself a good liar, one of the best actually. If there is a book on how to lie convincingly I probably wrote it and pinned the blame on some poor unsuspecting author. I have been lying my way out of and into things ever since I discovered that I could.

There are 10 crucial steps to making a good lie:

1.       Make peace with your decision to lie

2.       Consider the likelihood of being detected

3.       Get your revision of events straight

4.       Use your imagination, envision the lie

5.       Bring the lie up before you are questioned about the matter

6.       Avoid elaborate stories that create a need for corroboration

7.       Play dumb

8.       Appear indifferent

9.       Follow through

10.   Know when not to lie!!

This weekend I chose to tell a lie, and a very dumb one at that. I obviously got caught and the worst part is… I didn’t even have to lie. There is nothing as bad as losing your credibility with a very senior member of the company and to add insult to injury, making an utter fool of yourself when he catches you lying.

I am in coast for the weekend for a work thing with a few colleagues. My boss being one of them. He happens to be a very strict Christian… the non-alcoholic church elder type so I have always told him I share in his sobriety. In fact only a handful of people in the office know about my inebriations…. I am a typical wolf in sheep’s clothing except that this wolf wears short skirts and heels.

I broke the two main rules of a good lie… knowing when not to lie and more importantly… following through with the lie. After a long day of heat, humidity and boring seminars; once I heard that there was an open bar I absolutely forgot that I was playing Virgin Mary only to get caught in a very drunken stupor by Mr. Boss. He obviously didn’t mind that I drink… only that I lied to him about it; makes him wonder what else I have been lying about.

Oh well, crystal caught in a web of her own lie… who would have thought… what a bloody shame.