bloody mary extra hairy

1 oz vodka
1 tbsp lemon juice
8 oz tomato juice
1 celery stick
3 dashes black peppers
1 dash salt
1 pinch horseradish
1 tspdijon mustard
3 dashes Tabasco® sauce
2 dashes Worcestershire sauce

Shake all ingredients except celery in a martini shaker with ice. Strain into glass with ice and garnish with stalk of celery. Can optionally add olives, cocktail onions, or lemon/lime wedge. For a little lighter drink, cut this with a fourth to a half a can of light beer. 

I know it’s not my norm to post actual recipes but this one just caught my fancy, mostly cause of the gross name and the fact that I have no idea what Worcestershire sauce is (feel free to fill in a sister, or better yet I will just Google), plus bloody Mary extra hairy completely ties in with what am feeling right now.

Am guessing the boyfriend has decided to forgive me on account of; he broke the silent treatment-finally- .

I was almost considering myself single again. He texted today in the morning… not exactly a warm gesture but based on what I have been through in the past few days I will settle for anything. I know y’all are thinking “this guy obviously isn’t that interested in you”, but you are wrong, he is exactly perfect for me, in a way we deserve each other (am not exactly the most faithful person either).

His text was simple… “407 at 5"

Y’all probably don’t understand that, which is the idea.

Anyway 407 is a room number. It’s a thing we usually do. Some people call it spicing up the relationship, I call it ‘quickie in town in the middle of a work day’, but it definitely serves the whole ‘spicing up’ purpose.

So the boyfriend is ready to make up and wants a bit of sugar (that’s the name I gave to my pussy), you would think that I would be ecstatic. But instead am tensed, frigging tensed.

Why?” you ask,; because there are two things about me that are absolutely repulsive: 

1.     1.  I have a very ugly taste in underwear, the grandma undies are always so comfy.( agree or die)

2.      2. I am possibly the hairiest woman who has ever lived away from the arctic. 

You would think that I would be one of those people who accept their faults and flaunt them but nooo, even the boyfriend who I have been dating for a considerably long time has never ever seen ma grannies nor felt even a strand of hair away from my head. I make a point of waxing every 2 weeks and always carry an extra thong in my purse just in case am going to meet the boyfriend. I kid you not.

But this week, given the fact that I have been in a state of pre-depression, I didn’t go for my wax and worse still, i have no sexy undies…

What am I going to do?

Or is this that inevitable moment when the boyfriend finds out the true nature of the trawl that he is dating?

And to make it worse, I chose to wear that extra short but usually sexy skirt. In the morning it didn’t matter because I was driving to work and my day would be spent tucked under my desk.

I obviously cant cancel on him, he will definitely dump me now, but the thought of my hairy legs  in a short skirt or taking off these polka undies in front of him, yikes!!

I almost wish he had saved the make up till tomorrow.

I might just walk in to a random bar and order me one of those bloody mary extra hairy's to make me feel less conscious.