Heart Breaker's special

The basic needs of woman hood

There are 5 things in life that a girl cannot do without; call them the basic needs of woman hood; food, shelter, clothing, education and a best friend. In fact a few have made it through so far without an education so we can scratch that off the list. Forget all the sensible stuff i.e. a shoulder to cry on, sound advice etc anyone can do that but there are those things that only someone who is willing to share a cell with you will do. 

1.       Bitch about the next girl

2.       Shop; whether its clothes or drugs or dildo’s

3.       Smack you in the face when you are being an arse

4.       Get drunk with you and yet make sure you don’t get carried off by some strange boy toy looking for a good time

My best friend is broken…

I have one of those; she would probably take first prize if there was a best friend competition. But as luck would have it… someone went and broke my best friend. Not just someone but a man she loves… those are the worst. The almost divorced father of two, Mr. Jay is now the recently ‘making up with his wife’ scum that broke her. 

Mirror / echo effect…

I am almost tempted to tell her that’s what you get for dating a married man. It’s true what people say… no matter what bullshit they feed you that ring is a yoke and they will always go back. But being the good friend that I am I will keep my opinions to myself; at least until she is sober enough to reason again. I hate this part, the crying, the banging of things on the wall… it’s almost too feminine for me. 

But I devised the perfect way to deal with the broken friend. All I have to do is mirror her, if she wants to throw a tantrum, I am right there with her, if she chooses to drown her sorrows, I get the glasses and get fucking soaked whether or not I have a meeting at dawn, if she grabs a shot gun I will get my shovel.

I have suffered my fair share of heartbreaks and now know that for at least a week that’s all one needs… to vent. After that we can start the quiet sobs and talking about how we will move on.

Soft landings…

I have a newly found respect for Jay; he had the nerve to tell Sheila that he was offering her a soft landing. That it was better now than she find out later that he is humping the wifey again. Anyone who has ever been in love or a semblance of it knows that there is no such thing as a soft landing. No matter how prepared you are for it to end it still hurts as bad as if you had walked in on him with your mother. 

Right now I’m busy preparing the ultimate heartbreak playlist on you tube. I am calling it SOFT LANDINGS

Tonight we will sit down to a bottle of whatever will be nearby, my best friend and I, and do whatever comes naturally; whether that means crying till morning for lost loves or carrying out a voodoo curse on them.

This one goes out to you Mr. Jay, for broken hearts, wasted tears, empty bottles and most importantly; soft landings.

 Cheers!